What Would Comic Book Villains Do? (WWCBVD?) Week 5

Nasty.  Nefarious.  Naughty. 

Just a few words used to describe those who embrace or indeed embody evil.  They are the super villains of comics, the requisite “bad guys”.  They are the arch-nemesis, the evil twins, the players on the other side.  And yet how often do we seek their opinions on issues?  Largely this is a matter of personal safety that we spurn them, but when you take the time to pose a pertinent question to such villainous types, you learn a lot about them you might never know otherwise.

Scenario:  You answer the phone in the middle of the night to the sound of a frantic voice.  It is an old friend you have not seen in several months and he begs you to meet him at a secluded corner in town.  Concerned, you agree to his request and find him looking disheveled and terrified.  Looking unnerved he begs you to hide a gun for him until the heat is off and he can take it off your hands.  What do you do?

Hammerhead: Wow, this sure brings back memories!  I remember the first time I needed to hide a gun!  I called my cousin Saulie in the Bronx because he was the only person I thought I could trust.  I was so panicked!  He told me to forget about it, there was no gun.  Saulie took good care of me, you see.  Funny thing, ten years later that gun winds up being used in a robbery.  The guy gets caught and, get this, he winds up taking the rap for not only the two guys I plugged but some broad that was killed before I ever got that gun!  Small world, huh? 

Deathstroke the Terminator:  Certainly I would take the gun to hide.  In my line of work what we call “experienced firearms” are always welcome.  Depending on the type of gun I would either sell it to underworld contacts or file down the serial numbers and reconfigure the rifling before adding it to my personal arsenal.  Though I am rather particular about the guns I use myself, so it will likely be the former.  A few days later I will naturally have to track him down and kill him.  No loose ends as we say in the business.

Arcade:  Naturally I would be only to happy to hide the gun.  And I would hide it very well.  Deep in the bowels of an abandoned warehouse that I have refit with elaborate death traps like animatronic Foreign Legionnaires armed with long rifles, a breakaway bridge over a snake pit, and an oversized version of Whack-a-Mole.  Convincing me to hide the gun is no problem at all, getting it back will be quite another matter!

KGBeast: I would take the gun and hide it for him.*

Kraven the Hunter:  I would refuse and send him on his way with a strict rebuke!  How dare he deign to assume that Kraven the Hunter would hide a handgun for him!  A HANDGUN!  Everyone knows of my disdain for those pathetic weapons.  Now a rifle, that is a whole different story.   A rifle is a man’s gun!  From the Browning A-Bolt to the Ruger M77 these are the guns of choice for a true hunter.  Take the .300 Winchester Magnum (with a Nikon Buckmaster 4.5-14x40 scope) for example.  Ideal for hunting zebra, red hartebeest, or caribou.  It is also highly prized (by me) for hunting Spider-Man.

Gizmo:  I would only be willing to hide a gun for a friend if he did not actually ever want it back.  Certain guns make ideal templates upon which to build more elaborate, and indeed useful, weapons.  By reconfiguring a revolver to accommodate miniaturized kinetic energy accelerators of my own design and adding an amplification matrix to the muzzle I can create a single-shot force ray useful for blasting holes in bank vaults.  Certain types of automatic pistols are useful in creating sonic resonance field generators that can counteract Cyborg’s white sound laser.  I hate that guy and his gadgets!

*KGBeast (continued):  What?  No, there’s really no more to it.  I have many places to hide a gun, no one would ever find it.  I’m KGB, hiding a gun for a friend is elementary stuff!  A new recruit could do it.  Why do you insist on long, drawn-out explanations?